It’s a tale of gaming, getting out there, touching grass, possibly smoking a little and generally not wanting to be chained to my computer all of the time.
My last post here was September 5th and, a couple of days later, during a day off, I did something I normally don’t do. I let the computer run, I left the phone on the coffee table and I played some solo games. Sometimes, I’d go into Second Life and play around (Yeah, I still do that) and others, I just wanted to go walking around, damn the rest. Those are all decisions I made.
Some decisions weren’t made for me. If you were having trouble reaching me, it’s because, my computer had undergone a few restarts and not everything came back up. Also, Telegram, for some reason, has stopped notifying me of mentions and direct messages. Not entirely certain why and I haven’t had the time to look into that yet.
There’s been a lot of drama unfolding over the last several months and I found myself not only taking part but being smack-dab in the middle of it. At present, I still have my review of Goodyng by Rippaverse Comics to write. Seriously, that’s a book that is better than it has any business being, I also got a copy of ShadowSun for Shadowdark. That’s a Shadowdark version of the Dark Sun setting which WoTC won’t touch, also a worthwhile addition if you’re running Shadowdark, you’re old-school, and you want to show those youngsters a thing or two about the type of gaming and settings we grew up with. It’s important to teach them what the current regime took from them. I have a lot piling up and then I have work…which is another can of worms.
Once I get home from work, I’d rather not take anything seriously for awhile unless I have to. So, most nights, I’d come home, kick back on the couch, play around with Mr. Bub and have something going on the TV for background noise. Some nights, I’d gather a few things, go outside and partake. We’ve had some relatively cool nights out here and I’d sit under a tree and let my thoughts just kinda wander. Did some more recordings on the old Digital Voice Recorder of stuff that will never be released because it’s just an audio diary I’m keeping to get a lot of thoughts out and maybe some of them turn up something practical. Spoiler, most of them don’t. I went back and listened to me rambling at length about one character that I helped create for someone else a long time ago. There were lengthy pauses where I was eating apple slices because I had the munchies. A lot of what I record seems interesting at the time but there was one audio recording where I was listening to a conversation between me and someone else…and I’m the only audible voice.
I haven’t been doing this a lot, in fact, I’ve mostly been sitting outside at that tree making every attempt to meditate and if I could scowl at Door Dash or Uber Eats any more, it would be because they keep disturbing the meditation. Dammit, Door Dash and Uber Eats, leave me the hell alone.
There is only one thing I’ve really allowed because it’s part of my morning ritual. Over at The Grove of Odin, you’ll notice in the notes, I tend to do a Tarot Card of The Day. I’m about to do my Rune of The Week drawing and the drawings along with the Havamal stanza correlations, they’re getting a little unnerving for my taste but I stick with it. So I’ve been posting that. No drama, barely any engagement, leaving me with less to have to worry about.
Why did I do that? It’s simple. I have a lot of people out there that I still owe personal readings. I’m still delivering on them. Something had to go. I needed time to ground, center, meditate and select card decks for them. There’s a process to it all and that process needs to be in place for it to work properly. This was my way of saying “Alright everyone I need a minute here…”
The problem is, at times, we all need a minute. I live in an area where that can be anathema to some people. I’m kinda guilty of it myself but if someone says it, I usually say, “Okay, my bad, no problem. Do your thing.” and I leave it at that. Why? Better to trust that process. Grass, hair, fingernails, trees, plantlife, people, we all have processes and when those processes are interrupted or disrupted, there’s really only so much soldiering through you can do.
Case in point, I have friends that are in various states of need right now and I’ve always looked at my plans for the day and put them aside to try to help. Unfortunately, it leaves me with a tapped-out metaphorical tank and another day where my plans have to be put off yet again. There’s been a lot of self-care being shoved to the back burner over and over again and this was despite me asking for just a day or two. In my real, waking life, this happens more than once. Family member calls me up with a crisis or “Hey, since you’re off that day, we’re gonna do…” and I get to listen to that and go, “Guess what I had planned is out…again…” and the can gets kicked further down the line. I’ve never really complained about that. I’ve only just gotten on with it.
Until it was evident that I couldn’t anymore. So, I’ve asked politely. I have. There were times where I’ve told people “Okay on these days, this is what I’m doing. I need this.” and, again “Hey I need X, Y, & Z.” This time, I just said “No. Not those days.” and left it at that.
I’m not required to open an app. I’m not obligated to keep ending my day completely spent and waking up even more spent. I need the recharge time. Just a fact of life.
I politely asked, “Okay, just gimme a minute.” and finally, had to insist and take it. Either way, I’mma get a minute or two.
I know this put people off. I know this has cost me some things but there were boundaries that weren’t set that needed to be and sometimes, setting boundaries means being honest with yourself. If you’re tapped out for resources, you’re no good to anyone else at all.
So, I cast off the drama. I’m largely almost completely radio silent for now. It’s the way I prefer it. My sleep’s gotten better, I’m not going to engage in outrage-farming or pointing fingers or blaming anyone for anything. It just is what it is. I’ve learned quite a bit lately and I think I’m better off. Matter of fact, I cleaned out a bunch of groups on Telegram that just weren’t active enough or I couldn’t contribute to. I went on a cleaning spree.
I’ve also been gaming. Solo gaming at my table (stuff I decided I wouldn’t share because not everything needs an audience) and playing around a bit in Second Life in a gnarly sci-fi sim where I play a smuggler. He’s part of a crew that gets into some wacky adventures out in space. I’ve also been studying. Going back and re-reading some books, taking notes because, hey, I’m never going to consider myself an expert. Taking part in some panels here and there has been fun too. It’s been pretty great, actually.
So safe to say, for now, I’m only doing what I can, where I can. No more overextending myself.
For everyone whom has signed on to read these articles, watch the videos, etc, thanks for sticking around. I hope you’ll subscribe to The Grove of Odin to see the tarot card and rune drawings if that’s your thing.
In the meantime, keep your eyes here because I’ll be writing that Goodyng review soon. As for my Cairn Game Battle Report, yes that’s also coming and you’ll see why this is every GM’s moment of “seriously?” I’m not kidding, looking back on it it’s kinda funny.
For now, though, I’m just not going to be terminally online and I thank you for understanding.
Drama may get views and engagement but it also gets stressful and tiring. No need for that really.
It's good to know you're still among the living.
Don't worry, take what time you need!