Meet Yggdrasil or Yggy for short. This was two weeks ago.
Immediately, I’m going to break into a rewind here. I picked this up at work for $5. It claims to be a Bonsai Tree. It came with the little pot, a soil pellet, seeds for growing spruce trees and the instructions were printed on the bottom of the package.
The kit doesn’t tell you that Bonsai is an art where you shape a tree and guide it’s growth. I followed the instructions, planted the seed and kept the soil moist. I woke up to this two weeks ago. Over the days, Yggy stretched and grew. I tried to keep him in as much sunlight and little drinks of water as possible. His progression was amazing.
I won’t lie, seeing the little bulb end fall off during watering was a little concerning. I didn’t know if that was needed for growth. Imagine my relief when I found out that this was normal. It was just the seed shell it was discarding. Yggy didn’t need it. He was ready to branch out, it seemed. This is what Yggy looks like today.
He’s a healthy one and the first plant I’ve kept alive for this long. I don’t really have a green thumb but thanks to advice from friends and helpful tips, I’m getting better and I couldn’t be prouder of Yggdrasil’s continued growth.
There was another incident that I’d like to talk about and, I’ll be tying the two together. Consider this one of those Ministry Moments that, whatever your theological persuasion is, most of us can agree on.
I was hanging out in Second Life. I’ve been playing with some friends lately and opting out of a lot of the recent crap online. Many of us these days can see and are rejecting the type of childish behavior we see from people stating opinions as fact and the professions against objective reality by the delusional and idiotic. Spending too much time in it isn’t healthy.
Things to remember when it comes to dealing with that kind of thing…
Their opinions won’t change. They’ll stand very strong in the face of fact and evidence. Best you can hope for is that someone else may read and change their minds. That’s all
Nothing you do will ever be good enough. You’re wasting your time and energy. Do nothing for them
You have to choose where you spend your time and energy. I’ll get back to this in just a minute
Hanging out in Second Life has scratched the RPG itch quite a bit. There were no rulebooks to have to own or dice to have to roll. It was all on whatever you could agree on with other players and tell great stories. I’ve been doing that for about 14 years now. It’s a skill-builder in terms of what roleplaying you want to do and how well you can write your character. Some stories and characters are the result of years of work. Others, not so much. You truly do decide your own level of involvement.
There’s a player I’ll call James. James was…interesting. He was young, probably no older than about maybe 20 when I met him. He loved Sons of Anarchy and I’m a huge fan, myself. That was how we bonded.
Over the course of a year, I spent time learning how things were done in SL and honing my emoting skills. An Emote is what happens when you type “/me action description with dialogue from your character” thereby giving the next person something to work with. Even if your characters aren’t friends or maybe are always at odds, the players can be best of friends. If you’re familiar with professional wrestling, it’s a lot like that. You’d swear that David and Lucy can’t stand each other. They do horrible things to each other…then you find them laughing over a TV show…that’s because the characters are in a bitter rivalry but the players are so great at providing that chemistry that their friendship creates a rivalry that has everyone simply enrapt.
I’d spent a year and a half building relationships and friendships like that. I was being asked for story advice when someone wrote themselves into a corner or to help out on ideas for someone’s sim.
When I met James, his emoting skills were virtually nil. I remember telling him that, if he brought that skill level up, he’d be able to do so much more but all I ever got was a shrug and a very lazy “That’s just my RP Style.”
What was his “RP Style?” Machinegunning you with single-line posts. I was a para-poster which means I’d type out a short paragraph, packed with as much detail as possible so that you had everything you needed to interact. This back and forth went on for months. I attempted everything I could to reason with him finally settling for “Then can you just give me a damn minute to post?” which Jim would agree to and then immediately back to the machinegunning posts. If you didn’t post fast enough for his liking you’d get “Fus-Roh-Dah!” in the open chat and a Skyrim Force Ball would be shot at you to push your avatar in lieu of him asking “Still there?” in the direct messages. This happened repeatedly. Then he was wondering why I wasn’t coming into that sim as much. The sim itself was just about dead, despite it’s flickr and blog page going on as though it was one of the most happening places in SL. It was anything but.
I created an alternate avatar, a brand-new character. I showed it off to Jim and asked him for his thoughts. He seemed to like it. I told him it was my intention on dropping the character into the sim, he encouraged it. Nothing else was ever said. In that avatar went. I played both, putting in more than the required time asked of a player.
Jim…he was still the post-fed machinegunner and still using that Skyrim Force Ball. It was frustrating but the objective to draw more players in…it was working. By playing two characters, I was able to write more posts for the blog. What I found odd was that if I suggested something in my primary avatar, it was immediately rejected. Under my other avatar, if I suggested the same or something similar, it was given consideration. There were no differences in my presentation…only a difference in avatars.
There were many other things going on. If I did something that was realistic and made logical sense, I was told by the administration and owners that I was effectively slowing the roleplaying down or outright impeding it but if another player did the exact same thing, they were praised for it. I would bring that fact up and get dismissed outright.
Immediately I started to save everything and I mean everything. I began compiling entire RPs and even making notecards with them. I was keeping a file, documenting everything.
The frustration with Jim had come to a head. He was unwilling to learn and unwilling to exhibit any patience with me but I was expected to provide him with the respect I wasn’t getting.
It built to the point where I reported the entire thing. I was in an untenable position. I wasn’t going to continue with the one directional respect and not have it reciprocated.
It was then, days away from Christmas that I was notified that I was kicked from the sim and banned…both avatars. The reason cited? I was playing two avatars and playing at a similar sim. These were rule violations and they were serious.
I began looking for rules for the players, they weren’t in my inventory. I asked for a copy of the rules. If there were codified rules, fair, I’d be on my way.
There weren’t. They didn’t write rules down. I was told this directly. I was also told “Why do you think we interview people?”
So I was banned for two rules I wasn’t aware even existed, if they existed at all.
After that, the next three weeks were a nightmare. Two thirds of my friends and acquaintances were suddenly bailing on me and I had no idea why. The few times I was able to get an answer, it was “We were told we were not allowed to associate with you anymore otherwise, we’ll be kicked out ourselves.” It had been revealed that it was Jim that informed the administration, in retaliation, of those two things. Well, how did he know about the other sim? Because he was a member and I had spotted him. I had thought it odd when he told me he was just there to check the place out. I knew he was lying. He was a full member, on the roster.
He knew that both were violations of unwritten rules…or the goalposts had suddenly shifted…possibly both. He knew, nonetheless otherwise, it was pointless to bring it up.
I was kicked from projects, I watched friends just leave. I was left with what I started with after only three months of being there and I was two years into my second life. That hurt. He went on unhinged rants at me, celebrated my expulsion from the sim and finally, I blocked him. I wanted nothing more at all to do with Jim.
Two years later, he popped up again, begging a friend to have me unblock him. Now he’s claiming he’s changed and he’s apologizing. The sim had died, and now here he was, at another sim. I told my friend to be careful with him. I told her all about Jim’s antics and tactics. I showed her notecards of the things he said to me, things he did. He did many of the same things to her and then decided to eavesdrop on a conversation that had nothing at all to do with him. When I was asked why I didn’t just open a sim of my own, I said “Well the problem is I have to open it up to everyone and there are people that I don’t want to deal with or make it private and yes, the favoritism would then come into play…there’s really no middle ground I can think of.”
He launched into a profanity-laden, completely unhinged, screeching tirade at both of us. I blocked him again.
Eight years have passed. In that time I’ve come, I’ve gone, I’ve been writing and doing other things. Jim, never once crossed my mind. I didn’t care. If he was in a shit state, then, in all likelihood, he put himself there. If he was doing better, then good for him, hopefully he keeps it up but, our friendship, the one he tossed when it became convenient to go full Scorched Earth, it was over. He chose the door that swings one-way and so did everyone who followed, save for two people who admitted what they did and admitted they were wrong and did eventually prove themselves genuine. It didn’t take long for that last part, BTW. We’ve been friends ever since.
But Jim was out and for eight years, I was much happier.
Until Jim popped up again. I expressed my disappointment that he would think this was a good thing to bring up and got “Oh sure make ME out to be the monster here.”
Odd jump, Jim.
Trying to point out what he did, didn’t work. His “apology” was half-hearted and not genuine…that also didn’t take long for him to demonstrate that. He minimized his level of responsibility when he wasn’t outright denying it and then, when he switched to “Ever think you might have deserved it?” and began blaming me for all of this, that’s when I blocked him again.
Jim thought it was a great idea to do the same thing with a personal friend of mine. She’d considered him a mildly annoying fool when they met long ago but now, he was demonstrating that he hadn’t changed and claiming that I’d held onto the grudge for ten years, “how weird!” according to him.
I finally wrote Jim a letter. It was lengthy but I was going to get all of this stuff out. Why? He’s right, it was time to let this go.
What Jim didn’t count on was that it wasn’t going to be on his terms. A fact he was not going to like. I put it all save for the other sim in there. I pointed out even the things I didn’t handle properly but I pointed out that Jim was only where I was in a completely different avatar because his well of favors had run dry and now all the people he threw under the bus, he’s trying to pull out and tell them to stand with him, crushed as their legs may be and he’s finding those he once called “ally” (remember that word?) know what he is. He hasn’t changed. He hasn’t grown.
Despite what he did to me, despite everyone who bailed on me bailed on me because his thoughtless actions were the thing that set the entire chain of events off, I forgave them. I did that a long time ago. Take this from Yasmin Boland’s book Moonology…
I had long since moved on but I had not forgotten. He’d blown second chances and here was a third chance he’d managed to weasel himself into…and he’d even blown that.
In the eight years after our last path-crossing. I’d started studying my own spiritual path, worked on getting my ordination, became a licensed pharmacy technician, got back into tabletop gaming and now, I’m growing things.
Let me take that back, I’m facilitating growth.
Let’s get back to Yggy here. Yggy needs attention. He’s not fully-developed. He started as a seed. The seed’s shell had to be cracked open, exposing what was inside. That’s a very vulnerable moment for the seed. This is the time that’s most crucial because it needs moist soil so it can lay down strong roots and take the nutrients from that soil needed for it’s survival. It needs light and it needs water. Then it pushes and pushes until it’s free of the soil. It also pushes the seed shell out of the soil with it. It’s almost like watching a 3-D printer at work. Finally, it sheds the seed shell and branches out. Growth.
If that seed shell doesn’t crack open, what’s inside dies. If it’s overwatered, it dies. If it doesn’t get the sunlight it needs, it dies.
Growth is truly everything. I’m letting Yggy grow his own way. When he’s fully developed, he’ll take a place on my altar as a representation of his name’s sake. That means my entire altar will change from what looks like now and, in my opinon, it should. This change will be for the better. Yggy doesn’t care about the cherry blossoms that will begin forming this month and bloom the next, he’s just growing and doing so at an amazing rate.
Me? I’m nurturing that. I’m putting my time and energy into Yggy and watching where he takes it. My only regret is that I didn’t do this long ago.
What this is teaching me is that when you put your energy and time into something where it’s not wasted and will show you that love back in some type of way, then life becomes worthwhile. It’s why we do things, build things, write things. It shows us that we do have purpose in life and what we manifest or make real is what we’re focused on.
I was discussing this with my friend, Angelique when I broke into Miyagi-isms. Things Mr. Miyagi might say as he spent a lot of time around Bonsai as it was one of the things that kept him focused and taught constant lessons on patience.
“Without change Angel-san...no growth. No growth, never learn, no progression. No progression...regression only.”
“And how is it you are responsible for James’ growth if James won't listen?” she replied.”
“Give water to tree...tree push to grow. Tree push to reach light. Tree will never reach light but that do not stop tree. James like seed, complaining about being covered in dirt. No root, no change.”
The things I learned from caring for this tree in it’s development is that those will take what you give them, maximize it and do everything they can to use the boost to keep going. It’s part of their growth. It’s part of your own. There’s also patience. That tree isn’t going to be a tree as we know it overnight, it’s going to take time and the development is a process.
The alternative is always staying inside the seed’s shell and dying, complaining that you’re covered in dirt rather than use it and rise. On top of that, it’s hating the tree for casting aside that shell and standing tall in defiance of everything you might have to say about it. If you ever doubt, look down at the sidewalks next time you’re out walking. You’ll see the cracks with the grass growing. There are entire videos out there showing sidewalks being reclaimed by the grass itself.
Every attempt to keep you down isn’t necessarily as it seems. The truth eventually emerges but it needs to be nurtured while it’s still in a vulnerable state. Patience needs to be exercised regularly and constant care be given while it’s still in that vulnerable state until it’s ready to cast that seed shell aside and reach for the sun.
Forgiveness is a huge part of that.
It’s true, I forgive Jim and everyone else involved but it’s not wise to forget and some people will always illustrate exactly the reason why some things should never be forgotten.
What will always matter is where your time, attention and energy is focused. Look at that and always be willing to ask yourself if you’re changing those things, or are they changing you. Then remember to be that change you want to see but be ready to examine that change.
In any case, thank you so much for reading this.
I love you peeps out there. Just remember to take care of yourselves and each other and, as always, shine on.
-Rev. Dr. Raven Wulfgar
Vitki, Tribe of The Greyhorn Pagans
Ordo Penduli Grand Master.
Brilliant.
I love the thoughts at the end.
It is all about where you put your energy.
Family, true friends, and great projects!
If you don’t, everything will only go to chaos!
Great piece you've written bro, loved it. That Jim honestly sounds very toxic and narcissistic. Those will never change nor grow. All we can change, is how we respond to them and how we do or do not allow the shenanigans to affect us.
And as for the bonsai... it will flourish - I'm sure of it 😊 you may indeed be proud of yourself ♡
Continue to take every tip you receive regarding Yggy to heart