The Former Smoker Problem

Every Fandom & Hobby's Longest-Lasting And Ongoing Problem

Something most don’t know about me, I was a smoker. Marlboro Reds were my absolute jam. I never cared much for menthols, they just weren’t my thing. I’d smoke them if it’s all I had but, I digress. At my worst, I was smoking at the rate of a pack and a half a day.

Started as a teenager, big surprise there. Kinda went off and on with it, no big deal but about six months after I turned eighteen, that’s when it all kicked off for me.

Fast forward to twelve years ago, I’d had it. It was getting pricey, a few more attempts failed so I was hiding it. On the plus side, I cut down to half a pack per day. I felt like ass in the morning, constant cough, annual upper respiratory infections. I thought it over and then put the files on my phone. They’re still there, always with me.

The files were from a book on CD called The Easy Way To Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. Listen to the book, smoke while you do, follow the instructions and you’ll go from however many you smoke today to zero and you’ll never go back.

That is what happened. The withdrawal period was about three weeks. First couple are maybe the absolute hardest but you figure out a way to just get through it without much issue at all. The book simply changes how you view smoking and when you look at it through that lens, you don’t actually want the things.

How do I deal with smokers today? Well, I don’t talk about it. I don’t start spewing cancer facts and life span facts at them. I don’t berate or belittle them about it. If it ever comes up, it’s probably in some anecdote about my prison days. I treat it as it’s nothing, yeah, just a thing I did back in the day. If the smoker asks, I casually mention the book, tell them exactly what it does and then tell them where to get it and drop it and move on. Has it always worked? Hell no. Not always. Sometimes, though, yeah. It’s only ever helped a few but I’ll take those. If it works on you, great! Hit me up we’ll talk it over during some of the times where maybe you just need that support, yanno? If you fall off the wagon for whatever reason. No problem, I just hope you get back on the wagon and I’ll be ready when you are, good luck.

As Carr states in his book, when we push our self-righteous epiphanies on someone else, become insistent to the point of being antagonistic, the human instinct is to not only do it more but to do it more blatantly. Naturally, I’m paraphrasing because I’d have to dig through an audiobook on my phone but that is the gist of the methods in approach.

Long, I know but there’s a reason I had to put all of that in there.

There is a prevailing problem in every hobby and fandom on the planet right now. Before I even begin to describe this issue, I wanna say it was my dude over at Campaigns And Conquest Channel on YouTube who broke this down, so this is his idea and, fuck me running, he’s absolutely on point with this one.

Breaks down like this. There will be items that people love, items people like, items people don’t and items, to which, people will be indifferent.

Narrowing this down to one specific thing, Tabletop Fantasy Trope: The Torch.

In TTRPGs, particularly fantasy games, adventuring parties usually have a torch or some means of lighting deep dark places. The torch itself is finite and eventually, burns out. In most games, that’s about one hour of real time. It creates a sense of urgency on the part of the party and forces them to think about things but make quicker judgment calls and command decisions than they would over land. That’s really it. Personally, I’ve played with it and without it. I prefer to play with it in my games.

If you don’t do that, I have no issue with it. If I take a seat at your table, then I accept that or don’t join the table. I’m also not going to belittle you about it. I may suggest it and state my case but if you say no, them’s the breaks.

If you’re agreeing with this, I think we’re all off to a good start.

If I start belittling, berating, needlessly antagonizing, pointlessly dogging you day and night and insulting you, would that make you want to try it at least just to shut me up or would you remove me or have me removed from the table?

I would hope not. In that case, you’d tell me to get fucked, fuck off, sit on it and twirl, piss up a rope, so on and so forth. Not only would you do that but now you’ll never institute that rule and if someone even suggests it, you’ll tell them to bounce and you’ll demand anyone wishing you to just hear it out to leave as well.

So my question is, because I know there is something you love dearly and you can’t imagine life without it. Favorite author, game, band, movie, franchise, comic book, anime, movies, TV Show, Cartoon, you get it. Okay now, someone you know is either indifferent about it but you think you see a potential fan. You’ve got a few clues. You’re about to nerd out a bit but hold up, Crusader…you have a question to answer. Before you begin pounding that book, chapter and verse, you need to make a very important decision.

Which outcome do you want? You want that person you know to either love it or despise it? Your actions will determine that. If you want more people to do the thing you’re doing, you’re going to have to put on a damn good show of it not really mattering to you one way or the other what the outcome is.

You have to be okay with not winning a convert to the cause.

Otherwise you’re completely okay with making enemies because not only will that thing you love not bother ever getting shared but pretty soon, that word travels and then you’ll find out how opposed you become. If you’re okay with that, cool but I wouldn’t advise it. It’s pointless, stupid and completely goes against everything you preach about loving it.

One more question you should probably ask yourself and consider is do you love that thing more than you hate someone or something else? If the answer is no, then, my Reformed Smoker Friend, you’re not helping anyone but you’re doing a wonderful job of pushing them in the opposite direction. I know you mean well but you come across like a complete fucking asshole and if I wanted to listen to that, I’d just fart.

If your answer is yes, then don’t be a complete dick about it.

Here’s the thing. If it might inspire someone to stop smoking by me only going, “yeah I did that a long time ago and man am I glad I quit” then that’s all I’ll say. Even if it’s only one person, that would be great but, if no one I know quits then we’re all adults capable of making decisions, for good or ill.

I don’t have my identity wrapped up in a certain game, show, movie, etc that someone else isn’t able to disagree with me. There are people I know who don’t like Castles & Crusades. They tried it, didn’t care for it, went off to play something they did like. Okay. Hey, they tried it! That’s all I can ask. If I start taking that personally, something is gravely wrong and it’s not with that friend, it’s me.

We seem to get a little too wrapped up in bullshit in our own heads at times. We have moments when we swear our shit don’t stink. I make recommendations on games, music and stuff that I care about all the time. I go hard in the paint for the stuff I love here because, sometimes, I just want to tell you all of the good things about them and I love sharing that shit.

But I’ll never tell you you’re a cause-killing fucktard because you just don’t like it or you’re really indifferent or just apathetic to it, it’s fine. I probably feel the same way for something you care that deeply for and can’t imagine life without it.

I guess, in closing, my one request, especially to those in TTRPGs, comics, etc is to stop getting so wrapped up that you lose sight of what’s important and, most importantly, don’t turn in to the very thing you claimed to once despise.

I vape today and I can not fucking stand those stupid Truth ads. I can’t watch Adult Swim because there were so many of those ads that my hatred for them outweighed my love for Robot Chicken. See how that can work? Yeah, don’t be like that.