One Dungeon Master's Frustration

And Why I Agree With Him...mostly.

One of the many reasons that I no longer run D&D, specifically, for anyone other than those in my deeply inner circle, is because of what I’m about to show you. In some way, it has to do with the expectations that I’ve clearly illustrated in a previous article. I can see in what I’m about to show you that the only fault that I see with this DM was that he didn’t properly manage expectations.

For example, before my gaming sessions, I do recaps and let everyone know what the House Rules are in terms of the rule set. Yes, orcs are irredeemably evil, Tieflings can expect to be discriminated against based on their appearance, if you have trouble separating fantasy from reality, this won’t be the game for you, so on and so forth.

While it’s impossible for any rule set to anticipate every action of a player, it’s also impossible for the DM to anticipate the same. Each session, it’s important to make notes of things and go back through them to let them know what the expectations are in the current session and why.

I’ve kept away from the 44 Rules post on Reddit. I got the notifications that it existed. I went and read it and I walked away without comment.

In short, I sided with the DM on this one. Let’s go through them and I’ll tell you exactly where I agreed, where I disagreed and then what I would have done differently. Let’s go…

1. I'm timing turns. I don't give a fuck if it's unfair in your opinion cause your spells are hard or you don't know what square to move to, you get 1 minute to know all the actions you want to take or I skip your turn.

Yep, this DM is just done. Listen, assuming this is a 5th Edition game, which is a pretty safe assumption, combat can kinda drag. Even in my first Cairn session, I had players overthinking things. I gave them ten minutes to come up with a plan and stepped out for a vape. That gave my players time to come up with something without fear that I’d be looking for any means of negating them which I think was what their concern was. After the 10 minutes, they had a plan. I got to take a bit of a break, they got a plan together that made sense and didn’t involve overthinking things. Fair trade.

2. If you want harder fights, bring a second character sheet and expect to twiddle your thumbs when you die. I'm not going to baby anyone.

Okay, on this one, this is a total judgment call because yes, if you want harder fights because your character is overpowered, this is one of those “be careful what you wish for” moments because the DM is doing what he can. He’s preparing things that you’re constantly breaking. He could always nerf the ever-living shit out of your character but, instead, he’s decided to accommodate…it just comes with a hefty price.

3. If you call me or my rolls unfair, I'll get up and go home, and if you got a ride with me you can find your own way back and suck it up.

Okay, no. I agree with him on this one. He’s rolling dice. Win, lose or draw, that is all left up to chance at that point. You can’t call his rolls unfair. A ruling may be unfair in the moment but you as a player needs to break him off the benefit of the doubt here. This is why Rule Zero exists. He’s gonna make a ruling, may not always be the right one but it can be discussed next session.

4. I'm going to take your characters loot away as regularly as you want it given out. Rule 3 will apply here.

Listen, adventuring. It requires equipment, skills, supplies, sometimes hirelings, carts, horses, feed for those horses, etc and all of that costs money. Money you’re getting. I don’t really read this as mean-spirited even if it does come across that way. This DM has set up his entire world to reflect how a society like that would operate and yes, you can’t just hoard gold, silver, copper, gems, etc. They have to be traded for things and those things improve your chances on bigger mother lodes later. It’s covered in both The Player’s Handbook and The Dungeon Master’s Guide. Training, weapons, gear, food, it all costs money. In fact, with 5th Edition, this is the one time I advocate playing it Rules As Written and the only Rules Attorney at the table, should be the DM as it’s the DM who decides on everything at the table when the dice don’t.

5. If you don't act out any of your persuasion or intimidation or any other social checks you fail, before you even roll. You fail immediately because you aren't even trying and you're making the game lame for everyone else.

Okay this is one point I do not agree with here. Let’s dial back this one a bit because, here’s just something to consider, if I’m playing an unassuming-looking halfling and I’m going to attempt to intimidate a full-size man, yes, I’m thinking Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring in this case, then the intimidation that I act out at the table may not actually be convincing. Stout heart, here, Dungeon Master but it’s in the wrong place. Not everything needs to be acted out. It’s a table, not a stage. Some things will just be rolled.

6. If you don't pick up cues for "side quests" that's not my problem. Get over yourself, it's not a video game, it's a role playing pen and paper based game with miniatures. I'm not holding your hand if you choose not to pursue shit.

Okay but you just told them to act out the intimidation and social checks so you’re looking for a pen and paper game with cutscenes? I’m a little confused.

7. If you move to a square in combat there's no take backs.

If you’re playing with miniatures, this is something I understand. That indecisive player that is overthinking everything, give him a couple of minutes and then let him know “Time’s up, final decision?” then stick with it.

8. You tell every single person what you're doing before you do it. You don't fucking roll dice and then say you're casting fireball. You tell us all.

Call actions, roll dice. Makes sense, no argument here.

9. I will give out exhaustion more frequently. If you argue, go home or you can actually fight me over it or you can dm yourself.

It doesn’t need to go this far but I can help with this one. Specify why you’re handing out exhaustion more frequently. We can go back to Number 1 where it’s evident you’re tired of your players becoming entitled while they’re characters become undefeatable superheroes. I get that but what you really need at this point (because you’re a little all over the place) is to list the rules that these players have, in error, believed didn’t apply to them. This also goes back to managing expectations, which, DM, you haven’t so part of this is your fault here. While I agree with you in some of these, you’re really not doing yourselves any favors by becoming this hostile at your players.

10. Every snide comment you make to an npc will be remembered and paid back in triplicate. You all seem to believe there is little consequence.

Okay on this one, I completely agree. NPCs (Non-Player Characters) have a vast range of emotional states and idiosyncrasies. If the players are constantly being verbally abusive in character to the NPCs, then I think there should be consequences. Maybe they miss out on that local rumor that proves to be worth a fortune. For their troubles, if they shit on the barmaid, at the end of their adventure, another team of NPCs come in and thank the barmaid for the tip that lead to a real motherlode twice to three times the size of the one your adventurers had to fight for…and she comps their meal because they tipped big as hell.

11. You will not be given a mega dungeon every session. A temple is not the size of a small city, neither is a cave. This shit will happen when it's natural and organic. Go play some roguelike if you want that.

Agree in full here. I’d ask them what they believe a megadungeon is and then actually take them through one. Make it take months to resolve. If they get bored with it, simply point out, “You all voted for this. You wanted a megadungeon each and every week, we are currently playing in a megadungeon each and every week.” Realistically, megadungeons are colossal. They’re not going to be played through in six sessions. It may take years for a megadungeon to be completed, that’s why they’re called MegaDungeons.

12. The travel portion is done. You wanna travel continents doing literally whatever you want whenever you want? Go play world of Warcraft or play dnd with AI.

Not so fast, DM. Sorry but travel is part and parcel of nearly every campaign. It may take months to travel from The Shire to Rivendell but that is part of it. When is travel done? When the players arrive at their destination. Until then, travel is not done and, when it is, it’s only for the time that they are there.

13. If you're late with no good reason I'm going to halve your characters hit points for the entire session.

14. If you don't show up for no good reason, and that will be determined by me alone if no one else has the guts to say shit for fear of upsetting one another, the first time you'll find yourself losing either a whole level or up to three major items of your own. The second time you do it in a row, you'll be removed from the chat and the group full stop. I have no fucking time for people to not show up.

I want to take these two right here together because they really fall into the same category. Okay, DM I know you have a game to run that you put your time, energy, etc into and for that, yes, I don’t think it’s a horrible thing to ask that you all be there at the agreed-upon time. I will forever back you on that point but now, I have to ask what constitutes a valid reason? Remember also that these people you’re playing with are adults. Life comes at us all pretty fast. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been just called into work or the day before been told I have to come in the next day and there was nothing I could do about it. Plenty of things happen. If someone can’t seem to show up on time ever, that’s a different story. That’s when you ask what’s going on. If it’s a player who can’t seem to manage time, then that’s yet another thing. If someone doesn’t show up a couple of times, I completely back your right to remove them, kill their character off in that world and keep it moving.

14. If you get too stoned or drunk to play, I will go home without a warning. Your warning is here.

Fair point here. Look, I love to be a little under the influence as much as the next person but in the game I really want to be on my best and that’s not just the best thing for my character but best for my table. What if your Dungeon Master is too off of his or her face to run the game? If it’s not good for the DM, it’s not good for you either. Save it for after the game.

15. If you get up for bong or smoke or whatever breaks every 10 minutes I will simply pack up and go home. I'm sick of waiting for every bloke to be at the table.

Allow for a break every hour for about 10 minutes. This gives people a few to grab a snack, a smoke or a potty break. Seriously. It helps.

16. Guidance, divination spells, owls and whatever spells I decide are too fucking stupid are banned. Outright. No more fucking guidance.

This is another thing I’ve touched on. Make a list of things that do not fit the setting. Don’t wait and impose this ex post facto. Remember, manage expectations from the beginning!

17. You get one chance at a skill check. If you fuck up, your party doesn't get their chance to do the same check. Think careful who's good at what.

This one, I agree with, however, I think it could be phrased a little better. Then again, do yourself a favor, DM, play Castles & Crusades instead and just eliminate this kind of thing altogether.

18. Discussion of meta game details in game will result in instant damage to your character

Do your players have any out of character moments at the table? I’m asking because this one isn’t clear to me. Assuming you’re speaking of characters having the conversation, then you’re right but if you’re talking about players having that conversation, then they can stop to consider some things. There’s nothing wrong with that so long as it’s kept to a minimum.

19. Rules lawyering fellow players is encouraged. "Uhm Ackchtually"ing me will just result in me telling you to fuck off.

Remember what I said about what’s good for the GM should be good for the players and vice-versa? Well this falls into that category. No, DM, The only rules lawyer at that table is you. In other circles your title goes by another name; Judge or Referee. While it’s encouraged for players to know the rules, don’t expect them to know them unless you know them as well. In fact, I do not allow Rules Lawyering at my table. All decisions and rulings are final and that comes from me; The Judge, The Referee, The Dungeon Master, The Game Master, The Storyteller, The Castle Keeper, The Warden, etc. That’s it. Simplify your life, DM.

20. You roll your dice within view of two players who aren't you standard. You roll them neatly and you roll them on the table. Failing to do these three things will auto fail whatever roll you did. Arguing that you actually rolled validly when you clearly didn't is an automatic critical fail.

Woah, calm down, relax and breathe here, DM. I’m not even halfway through this list yet and this just comes across as hostile. I’m assuming you’re playing this game over Discord as a few of the rules kinda hinted at that. If that is true then you should have someone put in and instruct everyone in the use of, a dice bot. Otherwise, everyone should be on camera…or their dice tray should be on camera. One or the other. If the honor system isn’t working (like it has in my Horde Wars game) then perhaps the problem is the players, however, there are better ways to resolve this issue. I still side with you on it but take it down a notch or two. Some common-sense solutions to problems is in order. I get your players have been a gaggle of dicks to you and it doesn’t seem to be abating. In fact, drop these players altogether, DM you really deserve a better class of players.

21. Instant death traps and mechanics are coming into place. If you call these things unfair moving forward, I will laugh at you and tell you to fuck off and cry some more.

DM, I get that you want to make the game more deadly but this is a bit overboard. If you’re looking to drive players away, just drop the game, man! Start over with new players and list, rationally, the expectations moving forward in your game.

21. I will not give you random magical items and vendors will not stock them. They are meant to be rare and hard to acquire.

This is a DM after my own heart here, I agree. Magical items like weapons, armor, bags, etc should be rare. If the DM wants to run Dungeons & Dragons as a more sword & sorcery game, then that’s the campaign, accept it and play or reject it and let someone else take that seat.

22. Random encounters in the form of random dragons or strange mysterious road trader or a band of goblin prostitutes isn't going to happen. Go play baldurs gate 3.

My question here, DM, is what form will those random encounters take? Again, I suggest playing D&D 5E RAW because that one thing would solve so many of your current issues in terms of system. Alternately, drop it and play Castles & Crusades instead.

23. I don't give two fucks what reddit said about x or y ruling.

24. I actually give less of a fuck about what your mate's and group did

I’m gonna side fully with DM on these two because, geez it DID pop up on Reddit when it was clear he doesn’t care what Reddit has to say, nor should he. Also, if the game is so great at another table, then go play at the other table. Two tables, Two respective DMs. Their Table, Their Rules, it’s that simple.

25. Saying anything to me about other players not liking me doing x or y without them saying it directly to me will result in me kicking you out of the group. Don't use someone else to push your own agenda.

Right here, at this point, in DM’s shoes, the minute someone does this, before the next session even begins and well before notes from the last session or recaps, that player is getting put on the spot. I will drag this into public and ask for receipts. I’ll also give the player being accused the opportunity to respond. Depending on what the circumstances are, that’s when I’ll make my ruling. Remember, another name for DM is Judge and I fully expect moving forward that the table, virtual or otherwise, will be my courtroom. If your accusation has no merit, you’ll be ejected from the game, yes, I can agree with that. If your accusation does have merit, then I’ll be the one to ask the questions, get to the bottom of it and rule accordingly. Best thing, if someone says something to you, encourage that player to take a walk, have a smoke or something to come down a bit and then talk to the DM in private about it. Keep that kind of he said, she said, away from my table.

26. You're not to sit down and have a two hour discussion about what Samson from Bundoora secondary did three weeks ago when you come to play. Take the 15-20 minutes I use to set up and review my notes to talk to eachother, then sit down to play.

On this one, DM, the players can talk about whatever they want while you do setup. Once everyone sits to play, then you can deliver the recap, the rulings from the last session and then play. Then if you don’t want that discussed as it’s not part of the game, fair, but on their own time, you really don’t decide that.

27. Saying Shit like "guys come on we're not here to have fun we're here to play dnd, this is serious business" is rude and dismissive of how much work I put into this. I will simply go home if I hear this shit.

Ooooooh wait, “We’re Not Here To Have Fun…” I’m siding with the DM on this one, yes we are and if you’re not then this table isn’t for you.

28. Don't fucking order food randomly. We will eat together at a specific time or not at all. I don't want food shit all over my things.

29. No food or drinks near any of my dnd gear. If you wreck something you can pay for it. I let one person trash my dm screen once and I never had it replaced by them. In fact I had that person attempt to gaslight me into believing they didn't wreck my shit at all. I'm not stupid, you're an adult. Accept responsibility.

Again, I’m taking these two together because they involve the same thing. I respect #29 because, frankly, The DM buys a lot of things. The DM puts in the hours, money, blood, sweat and tears to really bring these adventures from the page to life.

While I think it’s a little unreasonable to make rules, again, maybe this isn’t an online game and perhaps this is the DM showing up to someone else’s home to make this happen, to make up a rule as to when someone eats. Again, life coming at you fast, sometimes, even getting a quick bite for me can be difficult. Instead, a compromise. Why not something light before setup and then snacks like pretzels or pretzel sticks during the game. Something that won’t leave a mess. Thermal cups with lids and even bottles with caps are still a thing. I’d recommend the thermals though, then you don’t need a coaster.

All that being said, I don’t think it’s unreasonable in the least for the DM to put forth the “You Break It, You Bought It” sentiment. DM, invest less in terrain and expensive stuff and start using disposable things, it makes far more sense and will have you packing less.

30. Arguments between party members outside of roleplay will be resolved by me giving the definite ruling. If you don't like it, fuck off back home.

NO! DM, NO! Don’t get in the middle of that. If you get wind of a problem between players, let them hash it out but forbid the conflict from coming to the table. If they’re incapable of keeping it away from the table, advise them to work it out before ever taking a seat at the table. If they can’t resolve it, then do what you will.

31. I don't give a fuck what they did in critical role or what that one guy on reddit said or if you think that it's all make believe so you can do what you want. The world I run works on internal rulings and lore I created specifically for it.

Precisely, but was covered in a previous rule.

32. Every single person in this chat is having debuffs applied to their characters that should have occurred a long time ago. This will be specific to characters.

You don’t really need to do this and this goes back to what I’ve said again and again about managing expectations from the start which I can tell you’ve failed to do, DM.

33. If you don't bring your sheet, you don't play.

Okay, let’s take this one on. The player has to roll up a new character. Until the character is ready, the player should be on their own, making that character. Once returned to the table, present character and then they’ll have to wait for the DM to introduce the character. One of my players, despite my message to the group, didn’t bring his character sheet and had to roll a new one. The determination was that his character was lost in the forest and the other two moved on without him. Now that character has to catch up or he can continue playing his new character and the other one will face death unless he can find a new town to hunker down in. We’ll figure that one out.

34. If you don't bring dice, borrow some.

DM, this is why I advocate for you having some spares on hand. Let me tell you how to really solve this. I have a spare set of dice. They’re yours for $5. You hand me a fiver right this second and they’re all yours but if you just want to use them for this session, I expect them back in the same condition you got them. Simple. Easy. Reasonable.

35. When we play dnd I'm not your friend. That doesn't mean you treat me like an enemy during the game. It means I'm no longer "being nice".

36. If you treat me poorly in any way shape or form after or during or before the game due to something that happened in the game, you're out. If you cannot seperate a game from reality, I think you are a fucking moron, and I have little time to deal with that energy.

First, DM, some of these things are needlessly antagonistic and, don’t get me wrong, I completely understand the frustration and the desire to tell the people whom have given you grief that this is some shit up with which you will no longer put but save yourself some time, it seems they’ve been needlessly antagonistic against you, it’s best to drop them as a group if it’s become this much.

37. You will submit your spell lists daily (in game). If you do not give me a spell list each in game day, you will not be allowed to cast a single spell or cantrip in combat. I do not trust you guys to not use this against me.

Remember that thing about Rules Lawyering? Back this one up by the rules, DM. Seriously. I can see why you’ve insulated yourself here but either be the Rules Lawyer at the table or abdicate the responsibility and make it clear which one you’ve done. If you want to simplify things, make yourself the rules lawyer and stay within them, insisting on the same with your players.

38. If you do not mark off spell slots or you say something like "I remember what I'm at" as a way to justify it, I will simply fail your spell, deal half your health in damage to you and say you have no spells to cast for the rest of the day.

Again, refer to previous statement on this or just drop the group, DM, it’s obvious these people are not your friends.

39. If you break literally anything you can buy the replacement that day or not attend till you do.

Not an unreasonable request. In fact, it’s not even a request, it’s basic courtesy. Don’t screw up the gear he brought here for your entertainment and, if you do, replace it. That’s just simple, basic courtesy and if it was a miniature, have it ready which means if he painted it, you buy the new one and you paint it for him or you 3D print it and paint it for him. Simple. Replace what you wreck. Basic Respect.

40. If you complain about the choice of music I fully expect you to bring the whole playlist the next session or to shut the fuck up.

A DM will carefully put together some type of soundtrack or pick from something ready-made because it fits a theme. Stop bitching about the music. I happen to agree with him here. Not even conditionally, I just agree.

41. Cannot stress enough how little I care about how you feel about my rulings from now on.

Again, this goes back to what I’m saying about people acting like Rules Attorneys being paid a retainer. It’s either something you don’t need at your table or it is but you have to decide as a DM which one you’re going to go with. DM, if you know the rules but they don’t fit your campaign, it’s simple, just rule and move on. If someone has a complaint then tell them you’ll cover that beginning of next session. Make sure to research the rule and be ready to explain why it doesn’t have a place in your campaign if it doesn’t fit. If the players insist on using the rule then yes, use the rule to the absolute letter, consequences included and when they bitch, tell them “That’s the rule…you wanted this.” and leave it at that. If they rethink their decision, then you can point out “Look, lesson learned, when I make a ruling, it’s for a really good reason. From here on out, my rulings stand, okay?” That’s within your rights.

44. Oh and rule 44. I'm never just threatening you. I'm promising you.

Okay but what are you doing here, DM? That’s my question. Are you really wanting this to work out? Which one is more important to you? Your Campaign or these players whom have obviously pushed you to this point? I won’t lie, it’s people like this that are the reason I don’t seek out people I don’t know to play in my games anymore. I advise you to do the same.

I have absolute zero sympathies for the player that posted this. It sounds like they’re all as petty and vindictive and have caused him nothing but grief. Also, to send the entirety of a reactionary internet after him was the absolute fucking lowest of low behavior that anyone could have pulled. That’s a player who would be immediately ousted upon discovery. Again, he doesn’t care what Reddit has to say so what did you think, realistically would happen?

I hear about it all the time, “This should be fun for everyone and if one play isn’t having fun, then no one is” but what if that’s your DM? This is why I look at D&D 5th Edition and think it’s too heavily-weighted in favor of the players. Older editions put the DM clearly in the driver’s seat and it worked for decades. It’s time that DMs, even for 5th Edition assert themselves with the idea that their rulings are final. Wizards of The Coast isn’t sitting at that table, we are. If you don’t like the way someone runs a game, stop playing and go run your own or find a table that suits you.

Save yourself the time and effort of having to go through 44 things that are just breaking your sanity.